so. it's pouring outside. raining buckets. raining like cats and dogs. however you want to put it. and my heater is BLASTING on high. now. i don't think it needs to be quite so high, but i'm too lazy to get off my bed and turn it off. like....i am sitting a good 8 feet from the vent on the floor...and my face is burning off....anyways. i haven't written in a while and there are soo many things that need to be said i will try to give bits and pieces in due time.
the most important thing i have learned in the last three months, is clean sheet night fixes everything. regardless of what kind of day i have had or what my week was like, or how bad my campers were or whatever, nothing matters when its clean sheet night. like lets consider last week. i had an extremely stressful week. many things on my plate. when it rains, it pours. in fact it rains buckets, or cats and dogs, or whatever. however, despite my terrible week, all day thursday i kept thinking to myself that if anything could possibly get worse in my week it didn't really mater, because i was going home that night to a clean bed...yeahhh!!! i guess everyone has their own quarks. like, some might think, ah, if i could just go home to the good book i'm reading, or gosh i could just get myself to a coffee shop and sit for a while, or man, i really miss my spouse, i can't wait to get home and be with them....yeah, for me, it's clean sheets...ha.
lastly. through many special moments lately, i mean within the last 2 months, i feel like God has really been convicting me of my heart of love for others. i would pride myself in saying that i'm really good at loving a small amount of people, but even still more recently i have learned that i'm actually not, however for everyone on the exterior, on the periphery, on the outskirts, i really do not love them at all like i should. so this realization has become apparent and i would LOVE to fix it. (no pun intended.)
i was having a discussion with a friend last night, and she said the most remarkable thing. she said that it's funny how, if someone is annoying us or bothering us, we will withhold love from them until they change, somehow creating a reward system for acting the way we want them to. you don't act the way i want you to? then i will not love you until you are deserving of my love. when instead, true love, the kind that Christ commissions us to give, is RELENTLESS. loving someone FIRST, regardless of how they are acting. the LEAST loving thing we could EVER do, is withhold love from someone because they are different than us.
Gosh, i have been soo convicted of this lately. so. to be honest this is the tip of the iceberg, and i have so much more to write about all of this, but my face is burning off from the heater, i must do something about this madness.
but don't fret, i'm not upset - it's clean sheet night tonight