the truth is

the truth is, i need to stop wallowing in self pity and stop consuming my life with lies by victimizing myself all the time.

you see, the truth is, the greatest thing in life is love. it's even biblical. our job on earth is to love God and love one another. and before we can even understand how to love each other, we must first try to fathom the unfathomable. grasp something too big for our hands. i can't love without first knowing love. i can't engage without first knowing how. my perfect example is thankfully the creator of love. but it's obvious i will never know the fullness of His love. it will be a process my whole life. so is it that i'm just supposed to keep trying to understand God's love for me, while trying to figure out how to love others? will i ever be able to fully love others?

i want to be that person. i want to be that person that invests until the very end. regardless of circumstances, timelines, races, genders, enemies or friends. i want to invest. i want to engage. i want to look past the pain of detachment, and focus on the sake of the greatest commandment. what holds me back is foolishness, and pride. my "guarding" will turn into regret. i will look back and wish. and most likely apologize to those i held at a distance, because of the friendship and vulnerability, and trust, and tears, and pain, and victory that could've been shared.

at this point. i am not that person. i still fall into my funks of self pity and emotional jargon, that tends to really not make sense a day later when i read it. but i would like to be that person. i would like to be that person, not for the sake of others remembering me as nice, but others seeing Christ in me. seeing a glimpse of God's love. the love that He is. if only to bring others closer to their creator by shining a new light, in a new way, in a new color, on His admonition to love Him and one another.

because ultimately, they will know who we are by our love.

the truth is, i wonder how people know me...